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I know i said before that it was going to b over. but as usual, i let my heart take over my mind. he cae home, apologised, said he was coming clean, didn't wanna lose me for anything. i believed him. i took him in my arms and felt that comfort and security that i always felt. i felt like it was a new beginning, like things were just going to get better from now on. things looked fine after that, he had started communicating, was more attentive. i thought i'd made the right decision. i so badly wanted it to work that i didnt see what was coming.
we had a small argument on the 18th, very silly. thought we would get over it, but as usual, he made it into this huge ego issue, didn't talk to me for days, said it was over. spoke to him, tried to get him to understand that not every argument had to end in us breaking up. he said ok, let's chuck it. but then the lies started again. he said he had malaria n therefore couldn't meet me, turns out, he was hanging out, playing football, going to bars! and i like an idiot sat at home n prayed for his speedy recovery! was i naive or what. asked one of his friends what the truth was. he felt guilty about telling me stuff, bt didn't wanna c me suffer anymore. out came all the truth, dirty and painful. i took it in my stride...i cried and cried. again he ahd said he was puking n sleeping, bt was out on one of his poker nights. he got home n suspected that i knew something. asked his frnd if he'd spoken to me, asked him to block me so i couldn;t speak to him for a few days. said he was breaking up with me n it cud get ugly!
so we broke up, i wasn't angry, just miserable. felt pathetic that i was treated this way after giving my all to this relationship for 5 yrs. i dont deserve this!
we spoke after the break-up, decided to remain friends, mabbe meet up n talk, but he wasnt ready, he made his false promises again, i'll meet u, vl talk, nothing of the sort happened. he's too much of a coward to face me, he likes to run away from problems. he still takes me for granted. how can i be his friend?
he hasn't grieved, hasn't shed a tear and here, all i can do is cry and wonder y this happened. i dnt feel hungry, sleepy. i cnt think, dnt feel like talkin, hv lost interest in movies, tv, anything that would normally cheer me up n distract me. and there he is, watching movies, going to dinners.
after all this, i should be pretty mad at him, right? but guess what, i'm not. i just wish that someday he realises his mistake. it's been a month since i've seen him, dunno if the last time i met him was the last time i'll ever see him...life is so unpredictable. if i'd known, i'd probably have held him a little longer, looked into his eyes and said i love u once again!
i dnt know why, bt i miss him and i still love him...please be with me, God!